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Review: DOUBLE DRAGON
Well game of the week eh? Well, I'm not going to beat around the bush, this review is written by my guest reviewer Dr Sardonic [OBE]
Im a HUGE fan of Konami so i should like this game. Hang on a mo...this is...Konamig!? Hmmm....confusion. This is a recurring theme in this game, confusion. To begin, it takes round about 5 punches to knock down your average posh, country club opponents such as William. Yet it only takes one kick to send them flying to the other side of the screen. This unequal balance means that only a fool would choose to punch his opponents. Moving on, i found playing this game similar to climbing Mount Everest, in that you have to plan your time effectively. For example, the loading screen was so slow i had time to make a coffee before settling down again just in time to start the level. After punching an opponent i had just enough time to read the Lord of the Rings Trilogy before it actually hit him. At one point i was watching Richard and Judy as i waited for my character to walk towards a skantly clad woman. As a man of little patience i found this game more than tiring. Mount Everest has killed many plucky mountineers with ambitions to climb it, just as this game has killed many players attempting to complete it. I hadnt even finished the first level before i reliased that my computer's resources could be better used elsewhere. Namely, using my USB cup warmer to reheat that coffee. To conclude, if i was a computer, a Trojan Worm virus would be more welcome on my system then this dire game from "Konamig".
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