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Review: This Aint Football
Author: David Newton (DavidN)
Added: 26/09/2003

Well, the author said in the description that "this ain't football", and he was right. It ain't. Among the information also provided was that the game contains "alota cursing and some spelling mistakes". Now, if that doesn't make you want to rush and download it then I guarantee that this will - "this is the parody, even though it doesn't have anything to do with it." Interested to see how this could be achieved, I clicked the link.

After about twelve tries, the thing actually downloaded. I've no idea what the problem is, but it appeared to only work when I manually copy and pasted the whole link (not the shortcut) in to my address bar. Honestly, Microsoft allowing spaces to be put in file names - caused nothing but trouble if you ask me.

The game came in an installer, and the name of the file is "football manager001.exe" for a reason that I can't determine. I know that all of the above can't affect my scoring of the game, which is more than a little annoying as I've just taken up an entire Notepad page ranting about things that don't really matter.

So, the game then. This actually surpassed my expectations of it after the hassle of getting it on to my computer, but that isn't really saying much I'm afraid. The title screen is green and blue, but fortunately it has a nice mouse-hover menu system. I can't say the same for the Help screen, though - just a plain white screen with some unbelievably bad spelling on it, interspersed by coherent help. To be honest I'm not even sure if "interspersed" is a word, I might have just made it up.

I don't think the player's that familiar with the rules of football, judging by that screen, but I'll put it down to artistic licence. Artistic licence can't excuse calling that screen "Help", though, because it's the most unhelpful screen I've ever seen.

Entering the main game, you're presented with a dinky little pitch in the bottom right corner of the screen, some atrociously-drawn grass and silly music in the background. You can then pick from five options to start off with, with "humorous" swearing included. Apologies for my sarcasm to all those people who enjoy swearing in place of jokes. Yes, all both of you.

I couldn't understand how to use it, really. All that seems to happen is that you hammer the space bar, as implied by the unhelpful Help, and occasionally a window pops up asking you to make a choice, and I did actually manage to score a goal in this way once. I then uninstalled it.

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