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Review: Unknown Game 3323
Author: ChrisB
Added: 05/08/2003
Overall:
Average:4.5/10

Don't you just love hedgehogs? Shame that they're so flat. I actually saw a hedgehog once, it was brown and spiky. However, the hedgehogs where Micheal R. lives are a little bit different... for one, they're red, and they have no spikes but an oddly shaped head, like someone sliced bits off of it. Yes, he has some cruel people where he lives.

Anyway...

Fizzle the Hedgehog is an 'action' game. An action game that is basically a rip-off of Sonic? Nearly. Imagine all of the actual platform levels being removed, leaving you with level after level of bosses. That is what Fizzle the Hedgehog is like - a bit silly considering that they were the best part of the game.

Naturally, the story is stupid and makes no sense. Fizzle is a mysterious hedgehog, and writes book after book about a human robot creator. (Isn't 'human' and 'robot' mutually exclusive?) Presumably he had a deadline to write the '31st edition of the Dr. Grenade Almanac' and went to said doctor's shack for new material. Unfortunately, Dr. Grenade turned evil after so much solitude, and you wouldn't like him when he's evil. Obviously, he now tries to kill Fizzle, even though he's writing zillions of books about him and probably earning a tidy sum as a result. Now the game begins, and Dr Grenade sends his robots to attack Fizzle.

I really can not understand the evil genius's mind. Why don't they just send their super-duper killbot to destroy Fizzle and any other living thing in the near vicinity?

Okay, game starts. You're on a beach... or are you? Oh, I forgot, it's an illusion. Dr Grenade's shack must be an ice-rink, seeing how long it takes to get to a decent running speed. Time to avoid the bullets and get that robot. Press shift, you turn into a spiky ball of fury which can damage any robot - or at least make it flash blue. You flash blue, too, when you get hit by a bullet. Right now I am flashing blue from the default platform movement's horrible bugs. Jump on the spot and you'll impale yourself in the sand/icerink. Hit the robot and you'll kill it instantly, or soar into the air. Oh, what fun. I slide over to the badge.

'Dr. Grenade was surprised that Fizzle beat robotee,' but I wasn't. For a genius, he's quite stupid.

Next level. You have to wait 20 seconds for a tiny, barely visible yellow dot to come near you, walk across the force field and walk into the evil pedal bin. Repeat three times. Oh, I wouldn't be surprised if that was Dusty Bin painted red, and that Dr. Grenade was actually the late Ted Rogers...

What kind of an evil genius builds two pathetically weak machines, anyway? Maybe he hadn't been evil for long. Maybe he was incompetent. Oh, here he comes, wielding Evil Daggers which he must've found on the scrap heap, unless they were supposed to be bent at the tip.

Ahh! Dr. Grenade is... Dr. Robotnik, painted completely red. And he probably used paint too. Anyway, it doesn't matter, since he is running towards you and throwing daggers, and... flying into the air. Oh dear. I have to conclude that Dr. Grenade is filled with helium - let's hope my razor-sharp spikers can puncture him.

Okay, I died. When snails move faster than you and you can only jump a few feet, it's not really fair. Nor was the stupid password, which had some odd numbers and was hard to read. Can't you RESTART the level? I entered the password, anyway, and beat him this time. He flew into the air, and exploded like the Zeppelin that he is. WHAT!?! This isn't the last level? Oh man. I used slow motion and couldn't shoot the 'Bad Guy' before I 'Fell To My Death'. I died. Ahh, I don't care anymore, but I played on anyway. Something about Chaos Crystals and klapaucius doors. It was pretty bad, and if you die at the end, there is no password for you to use.

Upon loading up, I was told that this game is 'pretty hard' even though 'it has no violence', and that 'people from 10+' should only play the game. Hard, no. Frustrating, yes. Doesn't violence mean attacking people? Obviously he meant 'no gore', though this game is making me lose the will to live and causing gore as I slash my wrists. Okay, it's not that bad. I have to agree about the over-10 part, though. It might give younger players nightmares.

Presentation:
Very basic; simply text. No decoration at all. Just like the game: boring. 0/10

Gameplay:
Very frustrating and repetitive. Controls aren't very good. Bug-ridden, though the author did manage to add a skidding feature, which was pretty useless and annoying anyway. 2/10

Graphics:
Backgrounds need more work - they look like someone used MS Paint's airbrush and made a bad job of it. Enemies/Fizzle are basic but just acceptable. 2/10

Sound and Music:
No sound at all. The music has just been plucked from TGF's music library, and doesn't really fit the game or levels. I soon switched off. 1/10

Lastability:
I doubt that anyone would want to FINISH the game, let alone play it again. 1/10

To conclude, I can only hope that the sequel is much better and that the author concentrates on gameplay at least. I really did not like this, it wasn't fun to play and just when you think the badness is over... THERE'S ANOTHER [expletive deleted] LEVEL! Sorry, but the Recycle Bin beckons... 1/10

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