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AndyUK

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14th March, 2006 at 17:49:44 -

Ive discovered recently for some reason there are a lot of interesting facts on the internet about Chuck norris. Here are some examples.

"Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris."

"Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one."

"Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb."

"Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer"

"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door."

"There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up."

"Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually Email a roundhouse kick"

"Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo."

 
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David Newton (DavidN)

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14th March, 2006 at 17:56:01 -

When Chuck Norris told the Microsoft paperclip to go away, it did.

I've seen this list before, but with Chuck Norris replaced with Vin Diesel.

 
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Klikmaster

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14th March, 2006 at 20:24:20 -

Vin Diesel doesn't use a condom, he has sex with one woman, then uses her to have sex with another

 
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14th March, 2006 at 23:29:18 -

once chuck norris had an errection...there were no survivors.

 
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Ski

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Candy Cane
15th March, 2006 at 00:22:31 -

chuck norris is my pa!

 
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Retired Kliker Lazarus

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15th March, 2006 at 05:40:20 -

Chuck Norris once ate an entire shipment of orphans.

 
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Radix

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15th March, 2006 at 06:16:25 -

Chuck Norris jokes were old meme months ago.

 
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Pete Nattress

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15th March, 2006 at 10:24:10 -

Radix is right, you are clearly all Internet noobs.

I like the Jack Bauer ones as well. Can't remember any off the top of my head.

 
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Matt Boothman

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15th March, 2006 at 10:27:49 -

Vin Diesel's actually a homosexual you know.

So next time you think of him being a "hard man"...

 
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AndyUK

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15th March, 2006 at 16:30:33 -

They may be old but I only dicovered them recently. So they're new to me.

 
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Klikmaster

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15th March, 2006 at 17:21:50 -

JACK BAUER

- If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
- If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
- Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
- Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
- Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
- Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
- Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
- 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
- Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days. Wait, that is a real fact.
- Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
- Jack Bauer let the dogs out.
- Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
- If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
- Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
- Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
- Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
- When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer ******* hates lemonade.
- When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
- Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
- Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
- Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
- People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
- It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
- Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
- Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better ******* do it

 
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15th March, 2006 at 21:30:00 -

I didn't know people wasted their time with this.

 
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Ski

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Candy Cane
15th March, 2006 at 22:21:36 -

Who the FUCK is chuck norris? 0_o i just wente alonge wit it 4 fun loalz"!

 
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Joe.H

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15th March, 2006 at 22:41:32 -

O_O that's what someone in my physics class said... You're not him are you O_o

 
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MasterM



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16th March, 2006 at 01:00:11 -

cough
old
cough

 
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