Q: How do you jump slap yourself in the face with a shovel while skiing inside a helicopter?
Wrong Answer: Jump and duct tape a burning chinchilla to your face and say banana!
Correct answer: throw the shovel out of the helicopter, jump out the helicopter and hit the shovel with your face!
I bought Bonnie Tylers car the other day.
Waste of money, Every now and then it falls apart
My wife just left me, taking my satellite dish and Bob Marley CD collection…
No woman, no Sky.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill Two and a Half Men..
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English.
It is confused by it surroundings, and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.
A guy goes to his doctor.
"Doctor I keep thinking I'm a horse!" he exclaims.
The doctor examines him and says
"Umm, this is a very strange condition and I think you need specialist help. I know a very good consultant but he doesn't come cheap I'm afraid."
"That's ok," replies the patient. "Money's no object. I won the Grand National last week."
What’s Forest Gump’s Facebook password?
1forest1
My grandma overheard two women talking in a doctor's surgery.
After a while, one said to the other, 'Do you know, Mary, I don't feel too well. I think I'll go home.'
What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce patch?
A seizure salad...
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