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Retired Kliker Lazarus

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6th May, 2005 at 17:30:51 -

Alright, the low down, for those of you who were smart enough to stay away from the theater:

STARWARS: EPISODE 1: THE PHANTOM MENECE: Anakin Skywalker, a young sad-monkey who can't act for crap, get's picked up by a young Obi Wan Canobi (or whatever), and Qui Kahn Gin (or whatever), who you know is, as in the SW tradition, going to die. This kid loves a princess whose about 15 years older then him. Anyway, he goes from place to place, getting in pointless, un-exciting battles, and we see a really crappy CGI Yoda, who I wish was still a muppet. As predicted, Qui Kahn Gin takes the gas pipe, and Obi Wan gets really ticked off. He kills the Sith guy, who gets chopped in two. Oh yeah, and someone should gut Jar Jar Binks, a imitation-rhastapharian who makes me sick.

STARWARS: EPISODE 2: CLONE WARS: Now, Anakin Skywalker is a bit older, and he still can't act. He falls in love with the Princess, who is now about 35 while he's only 16 or something. We watch a midget-sized Yoda fight a six-foot tall man (and win), we get to laugh at Boba Fett as he picks up his father's head, and we cry as Star Wars becomes a love story.

Well, there you have it folks. I gurentee the highlight of the final film will be when they kill off the Princess-girl. Geroge Lucas, a greedy fool who milks the Star Wars franchise for all its worth, has caused me to hate all of his crappy films. He had to touch them- he should have just left them where they were. The good side of the series ending- I can finally enter a theater again without vomiting up my organs. Bad side: I won't be able to enter Best Buy without vomiting up my organs.

Does anyone agree with me, because no one I know does.

 
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Ski

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Candy Cane
6th May, 2005 at 17:40:58 -

NO. dont be silly. And the young anakin could act.He doesnt love her, he has a crush on her as she is beautiful, like many young boys would if say, claudia shiffer or Jennifer lopez was travelling around with them. The CGI yoda isnt crappy. OMG im reading ur comments on starwars, thinking, is he pissed? I wouldnt have posted this if i were you, star wars fans will kick ur ass and use their jedi powers to make u look a fool.

 
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David Newton (DavidN)

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6th May, 2005 at 18:14:19 -

The trouble is that it was originally intended to be a nine-part series - it's not as if he changed his original plan by making the first three films. I do wonder what would have happened if he had made them in numerical order, though - would Episodes 1-3 have been seen as better, or would we now be surprised at how much better the "new" Star Wars trilogy was compared to the first three?

 
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Ski

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Candy Cane
6th May, 2005 at 18:40:46 -

i wish theyd introduced the ewoks into the new episdodes, perhaps they will im not sure, i cant wait to see general grievous and the wookies. It kinda saddens me how anakin turns evil, killing loads of people/aliens. Also, Lazarus, i dont think ur Low downs very well backed up and its very biased as to what u think in stead of just telling the people what happens, as if written in a book.

 
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Pete Nattress

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6th May, 2005 at 19:23:52 -

I think she was meant to be 13, and him 8, so that gives you a 5 year difference which isn't that drastic.

Wong: It would have been rubbish in order. No "I am your father" or "I am your sister" twists for a start. I could go on but I won't, suffice to say that the story wouldn't be as enthralling. I mean, everyone knows roughly what will happen in Episode 3 but that hasn't stopped it being highly anticipated.

And no Ewoks. Please.

 
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Candy Cane
6th May, 2005 at 19:33:36 -

Image

 
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clwe



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6th May, 2005 at 19:43:59 -

I don't care what anyone says - seeing Yoda fight in Episode II was almost worth the price of admission alone =P. As for general grievous in the upcoming episode III...the whole 'more lightsabers is cooler' mentality does not rub off on me. That nitpick aside, I'm looking forward to it. I generally take Star Wars with a pinch of salt anyway, seeing as it was originally meant to be a big-budget update of those old, cheesy sci-fi programmes...

 
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Kirby Smith

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6th May, 2005 at 20:06:03 -

Well, I might be seeing it a day before all of you since I work at a theatre, so I'll let you know if it's any good.



It does have the fact that it's PG-13 going for it, so at least we know Lucas won't be pulling any punches in terms of how Anikan is turned the dark side. I have high hopes for this one, especially after the latest buzz that's come down surrounding it.

Image Edited by the Author.

 
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Ski

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Candy Cane
6th May, 2005 at 20:25:03 -

IM SURE Obi wan is killed in this film... from my official starwars visual dictionary

'On mustafar, Anakins love for Padme and Obi-Wan mutates to hatred when he convinces himself that his wife and former Master have betrayed him. A sith now, having accepted Darth Sidious as a Master and Darth Vader as his name, Anakin shows no remorse in force-choking Padme, and engaging Obi-Wan in a duel to the death...'

he also kills all members of the Separatist council, thankgod. jeesh i wonder how theyll make him turn evil so quickly, hes a mindless slaughtering machine! eeek!

 
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ChrisB

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6th May, 2005 at 21:51:05 -

I thought Jedis only died once. They didn't come back or anything (though the good ones just disappear)

 
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Radix

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6th May, 2005 at 23:03:53 -

They don't. Obi Wan dies in EpIV.

Episode 1 sucked. Episode 2 was mostly sucky. Episode 3 looks pretty good, I mean there's not going to be any love story or bullshit Gungan water bomb fights, just Anakin flipping out and killing people.

 
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Teapot

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7th May, 2005 at 08:45:08 -

The first one was rubbish because the plot and script were uninspiring and dull. The second one was an alright sci-fi film, but as Star Wars it failed as there was no sense of adventure. In both of them the acting was generally poor. Episode 3 shows a lot more promise though. I love the way that giving Anakin a scar on his eye is considered a character development (ooh, he's so intense).
Usually I'm not into CGI, but I must say that the colouring choices and general feel of the effects in the trailers are much more effective than the sterile look of the first two.
But none of these can match the sense of wonder and discovery one gets when first watching A New Hope.

 
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Dogzer



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7th May, 2005 at 11:47:24 -

I'm going to go watch it and i know it's going to be well spent money, because i watched 1 and 2, and they weren't great, but were pretty good concidering it's made by dumb overpaid ppl from hollywood.. yes i said DUMB, i hate them for being so dumb.. phew, i'm glad i got that out of my mind... god are they dumb, they waste huge amounts of money, they BETTER make something barely good.

 
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Ski

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Candy Cane
7th May, 2005 at 13:18:45 -

hey looks dont count, bungles about 5 foot taller and acts camp! Ill say something, the acting was HELL of alot better than the acting in the Harry Potter series, and dogzer wot the hell are u goin on about?

 
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Retired Kliker Lazarus

The Ed Wood JR of TDC

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7th May, 2005 at 14:32:34 -

Well, sorry to all of the 'Star Wars' fans that I insulted, I just think that George Lucas ruined the series.

 
Fine Garbage since 2003.
CURRENT PROJECT:
-Paying off a massive amount of debt in college loans.
-Working in television.
   

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