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Review: Unknown Game 3199
Right. Firstly, an apostrophe should never be used for making a noun plural. It just makes the game look amateur and sometimes n00bish. Sorry, had to get that off my chest. The readme is riddled with spelling errors and shorthand as well, which never gives a good impression.
I'm sorry to say that the rest of the game isn't much better. There are supposed orbs that live on a planet in 4500. You are trying to be the NEW terror orb champion. As you do...
Games that come with 20 screenshots are a) overdoing it a bit, and b) showing off to disguise rather not great graphics. Sadly this game is both. The orbs that you control are small spheres, mainly black but sometimes with textures, and no animations or other directions whatsoever. No, you can't change your sprite shape or colour either. The bombs are flat black and look like a circle with a lump on top, which they are.
The scenery graphics are slightly better, but not by much. The blocks are squares with gradients in most of the time, sometimes extending to trees or what looks like big piles of poo. The backgrounds are mainly flat colours with scribbles on, or some sort of texture which tiles. On the plus side, there are a lot of themes, including Fire, Ice (always some sort of standard nowadays), Grass (the same), and Stone (slightly less often).
Definitely ho humm. There is nothing special about any of the menus, except that they take about 5 seconds to load, because the 'news' screen is downloaded of the internet or something weird like that. There's an intro screen with a lot of flashy logos or something. Which probably brings up the score a bit.
Gameplay can be considered the most important part of a game. Which is why, in this case, it brings down the game completely. It's basically Bomberman with several featues missing - lay a bomb by your opponent, attempt to run away (hampered by the stupid control system), and hope it hits your opponent. Frankly, the chance of it hitting your opponent when your opponent has got at least half the usual number of human brain cells is about nil. Your bomb's don't explode Bomberman-style, they fire little slow fire blobby things in 4 directions, giving you a chance to actually run away, if you can, instead of frying everything around it instantly.
And speaking of the control system, there's a 'trick' where 'if you panic you may tap the key which will get you no where AH HA HA HA!...' apparently. Judging from the rest of the readme I wonder whether the authors didn't know how to do a good cell movement system, or just couldn't be bothered to make one. The move is done on an Every command, meaning you must hold down the key in order to move, which is stupidly pointlessly annoying. This is an error of the game, not of the player, which is very frustrating.
Up and on. There aren't any destructable blocks, because the author didn't like destructable blocks, meaning you can roam free at the start of a level. Most levels have not been planned out well - there are many dead ends, which you'd be pretty stupid to go in to. There's also too many open areas - Field level for example - where it's almost impossible to hit your opponent. Maybe because you can only lay one bomb at a time, and you're stuck with three lives. Oh, and there's no powerups either.
Sound and Music
Really nothing special here. There's one midi used for the menus, and one for ingame, which take too long to load. The sound effects include a bomb going off, and some sort of squelch thing. Why are you still reading this?
There's loads of levels, but no single player. This means you'll play against yourself most of the time, having enormous fun doing it. Most people don't play many games against people in their family, especially when the game in question is bad as this. An AI would immensely help it, but the apparent reason for not including it was 'i made a AI but couldnt be botherd to add it sorry '. I suppose the online mode provides a tiny bit more lastability, but you'll either find no-one else playing or you'll get tired of the game and go off and do something else. Like write really long reviews about games you don't like.
There's no level editor either, which means all the levels are made in seperate frames. You're lucky you've canned it now, because you'll have a hard time fixing all the bugs in all the levels. And there's too many of both. I do advise you not to carry on with this, if you have any thoughts to do so in the future. If you desperately have to, redo the whole thing. Get some testers, and listen to them. Put some actual effort into your games. If you haven't played it yet, don't. Can I go home now?
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